


Finding Voice

by avanti_90



Category: The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Drabble Sequence, Gen, Origin Story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-07
Updated: 2015-02-07
Packaged: 2018-03-10 22:39:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3305993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/avanti_90/pseuds/avanti_90
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The origin of Huan.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Finding Voice

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Zdenka](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zdenka/gifts).



_1\. Listening_

When all his kindred join their powers in ever-growing music, he alone is left silent. He can feel his voice like a living thing, desperately wanting to emerge, to play its part in this glorious theme - yet he is quiet, for in his innermost heart he knows something is missing. Something he cannot describe, even to himself, yet without which his voice would be empty, meaningless.

At last, disconsolate, he tries to sing; but the song that emerges is one of grief, of incompletion, and he falls silent at once, for this blissful theme has no place for mourning.

 

_2\. Longing_

Where once there was harmony, now discord thunders all around him; opposing themes battle for dominance; perfection crashes, breaks, shatters into irreparable fragments.

In the midst of that great discord, Iluvatar rises.

And from the destruction wrought around him, out of all the conflict and pain and desire, Iluvatar weaves his own theme; and this theme, this fragile beauty of loss and longing, love and life, infinitely surpasses the first.

He wants so desperately to add to this theme his own pitiful voice, his own feeble strength, and he tries so hard – only to break, falling, failing, into empty silence.

 

_3\. Finding_

He has given up, almost forgotten, when _there_ , hidden in the infinite depths of the third theme, he hears one song - so small, so faint, and yet so full of strength, resolve, courage.

It calls to him, and suddenly, it _fits_ ; this is the counterpoint to the music hidden within him, the symphony of which he is one instrument; then at last the music pours out, rising, rejoicing, and every note and every thought and every power in his voice is added to this glorious creation, and though there is discord all around him, in his heart dwells harmony.

 

_4\. Losing_

He follows the song through dread, through fear, through pain. When discord threatens to drown it, he sings in defense, fearless and defiant; when it falls silent his voice rises to fill the gaps until it finds strength to begin again.

But the discord is too great; the song falters, and then it crashes, becomes indistinguishable from that howling tumult, and his voice turns to a cry, to a howl, to a wail of agony, and he is torn from the music, lost, abandoned; once again grieving, broken, silent, left with no song at all, not even that of pain.

 

_5\. Choosing_

Alone he watches the newborn world; remembering, mourning.  _What seems like failure is not so,_ says the first of all voices _. In the end shall all things be whole._

Somewhere on this world, a song awaits him. There is beauty even in struggle, he thinks, even in failure; above all in hope.

 _Send me in that form where I may be of service_ , he thinks, and he senses Iluvatar’s pride.

_Thrice you broke your silence for me. Thrice your voice rose in my music. Thrice you shall speak, and your voice shall carry my strength._

And Iluvatar sends him forth.

 


End file.
